A few years ago, we were on our way back to Toronto after ten days vacationing in Indian Shores, Florida. During that time, our kids grew increasingly vulgar as tends to happen when three boys spend uninterrupted leisure time together.
“There will be no more talk about farts, burps, poo, pee or anything else that in any way relates to the toilet,” I lectured the boys. With my head twisted to face the back of the minivan, I looked each of my sons in the eye to ensure that they knew I meant business.
“Yes, Mom,” they replied between snickers before I turned my head back to face the front window.
“Did you hear your mom?” Ted’s voice boomed as he glanced at his rear view mirror. “No more rude talk.”
We’d tolerated the constant references to private body parts and their excrements for long enough. Now that we were heading back to our every day lives, Ted and I wanted a semblance of decorum returned to our family. Throughout the vacation, their potty jabber replayed like a slew of infomercials. Irritating, yet surprisingly amusing at times.
Although I’d just delivered my umpteenth lecture, it seemed to have finally resonated with the boys – at least for the time being. They settled into quiet activities. Shortly afterward, we pulled off to an exit to find somewhere to eat. The stash of prepared foods was dwindling, so we reviewed the usual selection of fast food restaurants that dotted the road trippers’ landscape. McDonald’s was selected. Ted and I figured, at the very least, the Happy Meal toys would offer the kids a brief period of pleasure when we returned to the minivan.
As we entered the restaurant, I reminded the boys to show manners and refrain from the usual gastrointestinal stunts and sounds. They nodded their heads, stifling giggles. Ted brought the Happy Meals to the table and, as always, the kids reached first for the toy. They all received the same thing. A Shrek figure with a button on its chest that, when pushed, emitted an exclamation “I’m an ogre!” followed by a harrowing belch. The irony was not lost on any of us. But the hope of enforcing a toilet talk ban for the remainder of the car ride was lost for good.
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